I don’t think I’m brave enough to put myself first.
This is a letter to the man I love.
I will get raw.
I will get vulnerable; because I must. I must because doing otherwise would be a betrayal of what I feel for you and the intimacy that we share. Continue reading “A Letter”
“If you want more love, why don’t you say so? Just say so.” – ‘Heartbreak Warfare‘ by John Mayer
Why don’t we just say so? What is it about the games we play – the tete-a-tete of ‘I love them but I’ll be damned if I let it show’ that is spreading through the world and within us? Continue reading “Heartbreak Warfare”
I often think of parenting and how much our parents sacrifice for us. We view them as these superheroes who can do no wrong, fully forgetting that they are human and can often stumble and fall. Continue reading “Parenting”
I was on a flight from Doha to Nairobi. It was the last and shortest leg of my journey, which had started in Melbourne.
I had the pleasure of sitting next to two great individuals and we got on really well.
We talked, laughed and in true Kenyan style, exhausted the bar during the flight.
“Wow, it’s been a while since you were home! How are you finding it?
It must be so great to be back right?”
These are familiar statements to anyone living away from the place they grew up, or have travelled for an extended period of time and recently got back home. Having flown home i.e. to my parents’, for Christmas, I was on the receiving end of these questions, or variations of such, constantly. I was struck by how that made me feel, despite responding to such questions with the predetermined answer the questions usually came with. While it was indeed ‘so great to be back’ and spend time with my family, it’s been four years since I moved out and to a place across the seas. Would I consider this home now? Probably, sure. Is it ‘great’ to be back? This is where it becomes tricky.
I take the pen handed over to me from across the table, with the taste of salty tears in my mouth. I’ve never felt so powerless in all my life. I sign the papers, straighten the short dress I instantly regret wearing and walk out of the room.
3 years 3 months and 16 days have passed and not one day has been easier. It’s not just that I’m battling agoraphobia, but a sudden dullness lingers over me. I can’t seem to explain it; like the sun… I used to love it. But now, it’s not as warm. It always seems to feel colder against my skin than it used to…no matter how hot the temperature is.