I was on a flight from Doha to Nairobi. It was the last and shortest leg of my journey, which had started in Melbourne.
I had the pleasure of sitting next to two great individuals and we got on really well.
We talked, laughed and in true Kenyan style, exhausted the bar during the flight.
Trey, who sat next to me, was married with 4 kids and now lived in Los Angeles. May, on the other hand, was tired of living in Barcelona and decided that she would be moving back to Kenya permanently in a year’s time; she was just coming to organise things this time round, in preparation for the move back.
We parted ways, but only after adding each other on at least one form of social media and creating a WhatsApp group for us to stay in touch.
The weeks passed by and we all returned to Los Angeles, Barcelona and Melbourne, respectively.
Trey stayed in touch with me.
What started off as a few messages here and there on the group chat among the 3 of us, turned into him deciding to reach out to me separately.
I was comfortable messaging him back and checking in with him occasionally to talk about Barcelona and his kids. However, once he started avoiding conversations that required him to talk about his partner and started calling me at odd hours of the night; I knew something was off.
We all hear the stories.
The stories of divorce, cheating, side ‘pieces’ and whatever else.
Being 24 and having not been in a relationship for quite some time, has made me deeply consider and reflect on the qualities of the partner I would like to have in the future.
One who honours me, respects me and shares the same values I have surrounding fidelity, monogamy and transparency, for as long as we are involved.
I look for these qualities in people I go on dates with and aspire to spend the rest of the days of my life, with a person who embodies such qualities.
Yet it seems that child or no child, marriage certificate or partnership – essentially committed or single – some people don’t seem to give a flying fuck.
I thought that sharing the experience of having a child with a person, for example, or even being oathed to a person after you walk down the aisle and say your beautifully written vows, would make one think twice before choosing to pursue another outside of that sanctity. Or would make one consider their partner equally or even in some instances, before they consider themselves. Yet I’m reminded constantly, that life isn’t black and white, or people aren’t perfect.
However, where do we draw the line between the former statement and the fact that honouring the person you’re with, needs to come above your own selfish needs. I mean, in as much as you are your own person, and you’re on this journey of life and discovery, you also have a responsibility when it comes to the people you are intimate with. A responsibility to respect, honour and consider who you are with.
So help me God, if I marry someone, birth a number of children with them and they decide to spend the time they claimed they were going for a walk outside, calling Anna, a young girl they met on a flight to Kigali.
I guess if you want to spend your married days blowing up other women’s/men’s phones, when you have a woman/man by your side, perhaps marriage isn’t for you ?
And quite frankly, shame on all the men and women who are giving marriage a bad name. Shame on you for not being strong enough to walk away if that’s where your true desires lie. Shame on you for pursuing temporary flings in your spare time so you can have your cake and eat it too. Shame on you for making the rest of us question if being married is even worth it, when deep inside, you know the reason your marriage failed was because you chose to give up. But most importantly, shame on you for not keeping your word and your vows.
“We all make decisions. But in the end, our decisions make us” – Tiger Woods